If you’re thinking about becoming a Mom blogger or if you’ve been blogging for a while, you’ve probably struggled with the decision of how open you will be. Should you use a pseudonym? Is posting pictures of your kids a no-no? What about family, co-workers, neighbors…should you blog about them or not?
There are pros and cons to both full disclosure and total privacy. There is no right or wrong option and what works for one blogger may not work for the other. Its a personal decision that only you, the blogger, can make.
Let’s use one of the most well-known Mom bloggers as an example. You’ve heard of Dooce, right? Dooce, a/k/a Heather Armstrong, gained major publicity in the world of blogging when she was fired from her job because of her blog, specifically some unflattering posts about her co-workers. Ouch.
Perhaps being so candid and open on her blog and revealing its existence to people in her offline life wasn’t such a good idea. But then again, being terminated over blogging was the catalyst that launched Heather/Dooce into the Mom Blogging Hall of Fame.
Since then, Dooce.com has become so popular that her husband was able to quit his job and become a stay at home dad while managing his wife’s business. Apparently she’s managed to maintain that popularity by remaining completely open on her blog. Now I have to admit, I am not a fan of Dooce and I don’t read her blog. But from what I’ve heard she has written about some very personal stuff including her battle with postpartum depression. She does talk about her family, her husband, her daughter and because of that, people feel like they know Dooce/Heather.
Obviously being herself on her blog has paid off for Dooce although it may not have in the beginning. Personally, I’m a believer in “all things happen for a reason” so getting fired from her job was probably meant to be and it worked out even better for her.
There’s no denying that your readers will feel a greater connection with you if you they feel like they know you. When you remove the barrier of anonymity, you’re inviting your readers into your virtual living room. But what if you’re not quite comfortable with letting a bunch of strangers in on the private details of your life?
To Nickname or not to Nickname?
A common practice among bloggers is the use of nicknames – for themselves, their spouses, their children and their family – to conceal their identity and maintain some level of privacy.
This is the choice I’ve made for my own blog. I have used my own real name but I have nicknames for my children – Sissy, Bubba, and Princess – and I’ve only referred to family members by their role, as in Mom or Dad, and never by their names. I also make it a rule to never post pictures of anyone including my kids where their face is visible. This works for me and many other bloggers.
Aside from the details like names and places, there’s also the subject matter to consider. Should you discuss your marital problems on your blog? Is it okay to talk about your daughter’s self-esteem issues or your son’s first girlfriend? Again, it depends. For example, I am fairly open about some of my personal issues like my mental health, my court battles, and my financial problems.
While I don’t reveal every detail of my life, I am comfortable with discussing it to the extent that it gives my reader’s a sense of who I am and what my life is about. One thing I’ve noticed when I do write about these things is that others sometimes see it as brave or courageous. I’ve had people tell me that they have those same struggles but they just don’t feel comfortable talking about it publicly. And that’s ok. There is nothing “un-brave” or “un-courageous” about keeping your personal issues to yourself.
Think About Potential Consequences
The bottom line is that its your blog and you can do whatever you want with it. Only you can decide what your blogging goals are, what your comfort level is, and how public or how private you want to be. Think about who you want your readers to be.
Think about how the people in your offline life would feel if they found out about and read your blog. Think about your intentions of being either public or private. Then decide what works for you. And if you want a little bit of both, you can always create two different blogs and make sure their paths never cross. After all, blogging can be addictive and sometimes its hard to stop with just one.
10 Responses to “To Be or Not To Be…Yourself”
Gina
1 year ago
Great questions. Ones I have asked myself as I have started various blogs. There’s something cathartic that happens when writing about your struggles in a public forum, especially when they are met with support, compassion and gratitude. But one does always question, where is that line, and have I crossed it?
Gina´s last blog post..Daily Om
Tara Burner
1 year ago
Awesome insight and I, like you, use nicknames for kids…rather I refer to mine as DD=dear daughter and DS=dear son and leave it at that. I don’t post pics of my kids either.
My blog is a random blog, covering all kinds of things because well like you said it’s “your blog” so we can do with it what we want! LOL
I don’t get too ‘personal’ on mine but do have some ramblings on there, and it works for me and my readers.
Glad you blogged about this to show both sides.
Tara
Expat Mom
1 year ago
I don`t usually discuss super personal things, but since my kids are still toddlers, I do talk about them a LOT. I`m sure that will change as they get older, but for now, it works. I`m also not among the bloggers who hides her children, I use real names and their photos. Could this be bad? Possibly, but at the same time, I live in Guatemala and the majority of my readers are in the US.
Expat Mom´s last blog post..The Dorian Diet
Vicki Arnold
1 year ago
Definitely a must read for those starting out in the blogging world.
I didn’t use nicknames on my original blog, but when I moved the posts over to my new one, I changed the names to nicknames and deleted the original posts. I decided to go with nicknames on my blog and now limit my usage of their names on other sites. I know that if someone wants to do some digging, they can figure it out, but I think respecting other’s privacy is important. I chose to put myself out there by blogging and I have no right to take that choice away from my friends and family.
Vicki Arnold´s last blog post..Little Bits of News, All Fascinating
Tsoniki
1 year ago
I used to use nicknames for my kids but that fell to the side at some point. I don’t write anything I wouldn’t say in person. However, I am a private person and feel odd sometimes, when I realize someone I know in person is reading what I write. Considering I’m private, why do I have a blog? LOL
Tsoniki´s last blog post..Start of a Great Week
LaTara
1 year ago
Great post April! I am very open on my mom blog and for me it works. I occasionally share photos of my kids and husband and I use my real name.
LaTara´s last blog post..5 Reasons I Love My Man
Mama Zen
1 year ago
Great post! I’m pretty open on my blog. When I write a post that is just too much, however, it feels weird, and I don’t publish it.
Mama Zen´s last blog post..When Angels Sleep
Alyssa
1 year ago
Great post April, I didn’ t know you were doing this girl! Awesome!
Laurie
1 year ago
Loved this post April! I use nicknames on my site now, but in the past used their full names and didn’t bother to change all the old posts. I am pretty open on my blog in general and do post pictures of my family sometimes. I am very careful about keeping other things private though – like friends who have told me they wouldn’t want pictures or details shared, etc. Other than that, I guess I’ll just figure it out as I go forward!
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Sweet Mummy
1 year ago
When I started my blog, my sweetie kind of looked at me like I was crazy, and then requested that I be careful with our identity. Everywhere online I’m known as Sweet Mummy, he’s My Sweetie and my kiddos are known by various nicknames. I might have been more open if it hadn’t been for my husband’s concern. But I am glad to stick to his request and don’t post pics with our faces or mention specific places, etc. People who know me offline DO read my blog, and they aren’t the ones I’m usually worried about – it’s the ones who might look for our info to use fraudulently that keeps me careful! I, too, have lots of personal information, real life stories, and just REAL me kinds of things – so the blog is still very personal. It’s a very good balance for me, and works for what I want to do with my blog as well as for feeling like I’m doing something to protect our information online.
Great post – good insights.
Sweet Mummy´s last blog post..Yes, I WILL go out of my way to crunch a dry leaf